You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
