my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
