Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to jail i love you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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