She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
