So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
