just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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