I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
