So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize