The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
