When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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