Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
