this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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