Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
