hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
