Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
