Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
