you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
