"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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