so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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