Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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