p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize