I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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