i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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