New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she peed on how many people?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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