I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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