theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
