how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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