I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
