Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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