About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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