Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
