so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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