just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
