Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
