I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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