I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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