so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
