so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
