is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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