I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize
