Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
People in love make me want to vomit
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
