so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
