"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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