If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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