When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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