so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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