chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
