If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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