Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
