why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
