Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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