Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
