we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
