So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
