ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
