Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize