her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
