I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
