O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
