my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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