A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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