Can Purell be used as lube?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
