You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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