4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
