I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
