Having a random hookup so left but love u
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
